pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
