so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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