I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
