AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
