Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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