she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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