hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
