apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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