Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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