after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
