my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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