Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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