so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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