"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
