I accidentally had phone sex last night
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
