I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
