It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
smell my finger.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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