break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize