the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
