just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
