So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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