i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it's like heaven, but drunker
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
