so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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