I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
