Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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