so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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