Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize