After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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