I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
