Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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