Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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