Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
