I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
