$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
