she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
