I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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