So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
