...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
