i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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