I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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