you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
