I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize