shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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