don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize