my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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