We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
3pm strippers are depressing
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize