i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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