Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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