hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
