i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize