why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
