can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
