Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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