About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize