we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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