That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
