did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
