dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize