I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
