Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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