I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Enjoy the penises
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
