I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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