btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
