thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize