we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He did a backflip because drugs
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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