I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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