I like my sex mixed with concussions.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
