..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize