i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
