think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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