Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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