I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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