You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
