chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I want a musical about memes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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