The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
A+ Viking dick
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
